My Cobweb Dilemma (Poem)

I always feel guilty when I have to remove a cobweb that some poor, diligent spider has spent hours spinning and weaving . . . anyone else feel like that?

Unfortunately, spiders are kind of stupid in their choice of home siting.  Anyone will tell you it’s all about “Location, Location, Location” but building your residence on a car mirror or door handle is asking for destruction.

I got to thinking how small and delicate spiders are compared to us ham-fisted, heavy footed giants.  It’s incredible that these tiny, flimsy creatures can scare the bejesus out of so many of us.  I let my thoughts flower, and as usual wrote some verse on the subject 🙂

Cobweb Dilemma

How easy it would be to decimate those tangled threads
clinging to forgotten places in a complex net that spreads
from A to B,

precariously

in shimmering anticipation
gravity defying structures, overdue of liberation

I’d purse my lips, expel a tiny stream of air, enough to shake
the old and dusty mass where spiders once held court ; I’d break
with merest touch

or brush or puff,

a casual gesture, just enough
to dissipate this empty nest, deserted, fragile, over-stressed

No-one to judge or even know who razed the web with single blow
The parts that once held firm and tight

would yield to me without a fight
And yet the thought disturbs me such, I know it cannot be, you see
I’m blown away by cobwebs, they’re not blown away by me.

 

Jilly Wright 2012 (ish)

 

Mindfulness is a walk in the park

I take a walk most days to my local park.  It’s a lovely place.  There’s a sparkling stream meandering alongside secluded pathways between a variety of trees and plants.  There’s a playground and an exercise circuit, there are sports fields and picnic areas – There is woodland and a nature trail, a sensory garden, a fish pond, rockeries and plenty of seats to rest and just be mindful, people watch, dog watch, bird watch… all good.

However, I have been there so many times and the other day I realised that I had done the circular route and noticed nothing about it.  I had been walking with my eyes towards my feet…. and my feet knew their way around so I didn’t need to observe, just let them take me along automatically. 

At the end of the walk I felt as if I hadn’t even been there.  My mind was on other things . I’d been ruminating on the past and fantasizing about the future – I missed the present!

Never think that doing the same thing is ‘doing the same thing’, no two experiences are ever the same and the challenge is to find the differences and make every experience a new experience.

I had got to thinking that maybe the park was boring…. the people looked the same, the dogs were all alike, when you’ve seen one oak tree you’ve seen them all!

LOOK CLOSER . . .  just as no face is exactly like another so it is in nature.

Study a tree, look at the shape and the colour, see how the breeze moves it.

Study the brook, listen to the sound it makes, watch how each ripple negotiates a rock or a dip.

Study the faces of the children, and the tails and noses of the dogs, see how their carers react to them, observe the playfulness, the surprise, the curiosity.

And when there is nothing to distract your mind, don’t let it wander down any pathways that are not on the park.  Count the number of steps you take as you breathe in and then out – feel the air fill your lungs, notice the noises, even the quietest tweets and distant rumblings – even the tread of your shoes or the rustle of your coat as you walk smoothly and with no pressure to get anywhere or be anywhere.

You have prepared well, this is your time to be you…. notice it and enjoy it… again and again and again.

by Jillianne Wright (2018)

To sleep or not to sleep, there’s the dilemma

Most of us have been there, here’s the picture… you’ve had a long and possibly stressful day and yearn for it to end.  Maybe you’ll have a good meal, watch some TV, or read your book.  After a relaxing bath you slip into something loose.   Time to put your feet up, get yourself really comfortable and eventually start to push the thoughts of the day to the back of your mind.

What happens next ?… Perhaps you suddenly realise the words you’re reading aren’t quite sinking in… or in the middle of some interesting or entertaining show, even your favourite, you loose the plot and become less interested.  There’s a great compulsion to shut your eyes as you feel your head drop a little, it’s a compelling feeling because you know you can just give in to it and be in the wonderful land of Nod.  No matter how hard you try or how many times your partner tries to rouse you, you know you’re going to go….zzzzzzz….

Then of course, you wake up with a jolt because some noisy music or commercial pierces your slumber.  You go through the same pattern a few more times until eventually it’s ‘bedtime proper’

Now what do you do, you’re wide awake, other people have left you snoring and switched the TV off, the book has dropped from your lap – you suddenly feel annoyed and guilty, perhaps you run around tidying up to ease your conscience 🙂

You check the clock and think “Wow, how am I going to get through the next 7 hours when I have no sleep left in me”  but what else can you do ?… You manage to fight off the urge to raid the cookie jar or make coffee and reluctantly you get into bed.  The only thing that will get you sleepy again is to listen to some boring news show on the bedside radio… zzzzzz

Then of course, you wake up with a jolt because some noisy music or commercial pierces your slumber.  You go through the same routine a few more times until eventually it’s time to get up and have another stressful day.

The dilemma… do you fight harder not to sleep before bedtime and save it all for one long stretch… or do you give in to that wonderful feeling as you slide into peaceful oblivion… even if it is short-lived?

One small step in perspective

It’s odd how the mind wanders and I’m glad I have a blog to write down my silly thoughts sometimes – so this is how it went today…

I looked out of the window and saw a young lad walk down my drive and put some junk mail in the post box.  Now it occurred to me that he had just wasted about 60 steps coming to my door and back because I will surely pop the unwanted paper in the recycle bin without looking at it.

My first thought was that it was no big deal, but then I started to think of what a big deal that amount of steps would be to someone recovering from an accident or illness, someone who suffers from unsteady or painful legs – 60 steps would be a triumph!

Then I imagined this young boy as a baby and how delighted his parents would have been when he took his first wobbly steps… Wow! they’d have been so delighted they would have told everyone, taken pictures, written it in their blog maybe!

I couldn’t help thinking about the enormity of that first step on the Moon and I wondered if there would ever be a time when space travel became so routine there would be a kid delivering junk mail to other planets…. maybe advertising a Martian take-away meal service or a catalog for Winter woollies to wear on the ‘Dark side of the moon’

As I said, silly thoughts 🙂

Time lapse well spent

There’s a fascinating show on the BBC called The Great British Year, watch it if you can.  Each show focuses on a different season with close up and time lapse photography.  Cameras and camera crew are planted or hidden to take advantage of flora and fauna as it grows and changes.  After the show there is an explanation of how the wonderful shots were achieved.

I enjoy being able to study things like ants nests, flowers opening up, small mammals in there natural or unnatural habitats with all the dangers they face.  It’s a real insects eye view of another world, one we take for granted or hardly consider.

Sometimes it can be upsetting to watch a creature setting up a trap to kill another and sometimes you get to watch something really beautiful and magical like a spider spinning its web or a leaf slowly decaying.

I’m sure this was a difficult and expensive series of programs to produce but it was worth every penny

Coming back as a seagull has its advantages!

I think most of us at one time have contemplated re-incarnation and what we would like to come back as.  I always thought that a seagull had it pretty cushy, living by the sea with plenty of food around and the ability to jump ship and travel wherever.  I was researching gulls and I came across a short, funny verse written by Dixon Lanier Merritt penned in 1910 about a pelican : I used this as the first verse of a longer poem called The seagull and the pelican.  These two birds have a funny relationship where the seagull uses the beak of his friend to supply him with a fish meal.

Later I turned this into a song (you’ll see the chorus in the lyrics below) and flirted with the idea of choosing a pelican as the ideal mate in a re-incarnation.  It’s just silly and the result of some wild imagination that doesn’t really make any sense, but it’s cheeky and funny with some good rhymes.

A most beautiful bird is the Pelican
His bill can hold more than his belly can
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I really don’t know how the Hell he can!

But by contrast the Seagull is rather less than pretty
Everyone hates her, she don’t get no pity
Her daily discharge
Is exceedingly large
There’s a trail from the beach to the city

But the Seagull is smarter than anyone knows
Leaves messages on cars, on heads and on clothes
She will sit on the bill of the Pelican bird
And make more commotion than Hell ever heard
Then she’ll peck on his neck ’til he can’t take no more
And all of his fish will slide out to the floor
So for all that the Pelican can and can’t do
He’s basically a bird brain who doesn’t have a clue

CHORUS
After I die I wanna be
A Seagull living by the sea
But even in Heaven I’ll need a man
To unscrew a bottle and open a can
We’ll walk and squalk and swim and fly
And drop little gifts of love from the sky
’cause even in Heaven I’ll need a man
So please come back as a handsome Pelican

There’s a rumour that Seagulls can’t wait
To find an attractive mate
So they close their beady eyes
And fantasize
That a Pelican’s nibbling their bait

Now a Pelican is rather more discrete
He stands proud on his own two webbed feet
He can puff up his pouch
And I’d certainly vouch
He won’t swoop on your picnic meat

But the Seagull is smart and she’s misunderstood
She’s lucky that folks think she don’t taste so good
There was never a bird that could live quite so freely
She can hop on a boat and go anywhere, nearly
She lives by the sea and her diet ain’t fussy
She don’t have an owner like a pooch or a pussy
Now the Pelican should get a Seagull as a wife
To introduce a streetwise aspect to his life

This last verse was another I found already written but I liked it and added it as a coda 🙂

Down on the beach the seabirds were hopping
I ordered a hot dog without any topping
Then a second too late
(it’s too gross to relate)
I was licking a relish the Seagull was dropping.

Jillianne x

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Don’t ask your 4 year old about school!

It’s very tempting after your child’s first day at school to bombard them with questions like – “what did you do?” – “what’s the teacher’s name?” – “did you make any friends?” – “what did you have for lunch?”   and so on.   But although some newbies are bursting to tell all, others, like my grandson are more reticent.  He managed to stay put for 2 questions (after being practically blackmailed to do so by his Daddy)  I watched the poor little lad’s expression and body language become more and more weary by my ‘nagging’  He gently ended the conversation by announcing

“Sorry Nana, but I’m too tired to talk about that now”

The next time I saw him he batted off any attempts from me to inquire about school by saying

“I don’t talk about class when I’m at home”

Oh how I wish I could use excuses like this in company on occasions when I’m being similarly interrogated 🙂

The appeal of real

If I had to choose between a fast moving, action packed movie or a modest, more static, ‘real time’ film then I’d always prefer the latter.  I like a story and script that allows me to get to know everything about a person or situation.

French films in particular started these ‘show all’ fly-on-the-wall dramas… Sometimes they’re not even dramas, as often little has happened by the end apart from a meal, a bath, a walk in the park etc but somehow the tension, the empathy, the curiosity and psychoanalysis is all there, magnified by an indulgent viewer.  We get to live with the characters, share their food and furniture along with their hopes, dreams and dreads.

The cinematography is usually very arty, the direction and camerawork is often intrusively ‘warts and all’  So I really enjoy this style, it’s real, convincing… it makes you think, laugh, cry and wonder.

Surely this type of movie must be so low budget compared to the blockbusters with special effects and famous stars!  So why aren’t more produces and directors seeing the appeal of real… real people with real lives in real time.

I love you but I don’t need you!

Before we become too socially aware, perhaps under 5 years old, nothing will prevent us from saying exactly what we think, asking for what we want or expressing any emotion needed to acquire the attention and reward we think we are due.  Obviously this freedom has to be tempered by our guardians, nipped in the bud before we hurt someone’s feelings or make ourselves unpopular.   However I kind of enjoy the honesty of  minors and find it sad that we lose the ability to be honest or blunt in polite company.

The spontaneity of literally jumping and squealing with delight may only emerge in adulthood when fueled with a stimulant – the freedom to complain aloud about something unpleasant or ugly or annoying and get away with it, maybe even raise a few chuckles, this must be quite liberating before it is hushed and frowned upon as we ‘grow up’

Recently I have witnessed a few examples of childish honesty :-

A 3 year old who suddenly tells his Granny “I really, really love you so much”   then one minute later when the novelty of Gran’s participation in a building game becomes boring he tells her “You can go now, I don’t need you”

A 4 year old who informs the builder using a drill “That noise is annoying me” and to a neighbour who is commandeering his Mother’s attention  “Are you going now?”

I was trying to explain to a youngster who was asking for too much, that in life you can’t have everything you want – this concept was quite alien to the little guy who simply replied with a puzzled expression  “But I can” and at this stage of his life he was probably correct 🙂

 

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Don’t always follow a wandering mind!

If you’re a writer or an imaginative type you can often look at the world in a less than literal or logical way.  For example, yesterday while taking a pleasant walk through a local wood and enjoying the last remnants of Summer,  I came across large areas being cleared of pine trees that were holding back light from the forest floor.  By the side of the path the discarded logs were piled, the white, round faces of their freshly chopped bodies facing me, almost staring at me – they seemed to look resigned and sad.  

Then for some reason I imagined that these broken heaps of discarded trees were human bodies, hacked down in their prime and left piled up ready to bury… I was taken in my imagination to some German or Romanian historical setting where this kind of elimination actually happened in various examples of ethnic cleansing, and not that long ago.  I became completely consumed by these bad thoughts

It was a morbid transition from my beautiful nature trail.  One minute I was carefree and relaxed with nothing more challenging to my mind than the sights and sounds of my immediate peaceful vicinity, then my thoughts had cruelly taken me to some past, man-made horror which I was witnessing mentally, feeling the tragedy and heartache.

I couldn’t even feel comfortable with the concept of felling harmless trees let alone envisaging how other human beings could thoughtlessly murder each other in such a pointless, faceless way.

But in life I find that whenever your spirits become too low and thoughts get hard and obsessive, there will often be something small that immediately brings you back to earth… in my case it was a tiny polished acorn sitting in its snug case… so small yet so much potential.  I picked it up and held it, rubbed my finger over the small brown ‘baby’ and life made sense again.

It’s the little ordinary things that we all need to bring us back to safety from our own dangerous minds.  Innocent animals, peaceful plants, a refreshing shower, a childish giggle – the wonder of snowflake, the bite of an apple or a nostalgic smell that takes us to a wonderful wholesome, loving feeling never to be forgotten.